(refer to Friday Sermon of Huzoor on September 25, 2009, January 15th, 2010; Garments for Each Other: Selected Excerpts of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V relating to Marital Harmony)
The Mehndi
IS A ‘MEHNDI’ GATHERING ALLOWED AND IS IT OBLIGATORY?
A Mehndi function can be held if desired but is not obligatory. It should be held in the bride’s home and be limited to the bride’s female relatives and close friends. The noise level must be such that it does not leave the confines of the home and be heard outside. Even the backyard deck shouldn’t be used. No sound system or excessive lighting should be utilized. If the home is small, permission may be requested from the National Amir to rent a space. Only female members of the groom’s family may be invited.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT THE ‘MEHNDI’?
To keep it as simple as possible, money should not be wasted on:
- Multiple celebrations over several days well before the wedding day.
- Lavish decorations of stage and bride’s seating for each day.
- A large variety of food.
- Printed invitation cards just for the Mehndi party.
- Expensive and excessive clothing for the bride, groom, and other family members.
The selection of songs to be sung by the bride’s friends should be decent and avoid any indecent language. The songs should not promote the concept of “shirk” (association of someone with Allah) or concepts of other religions.
WHO PROVIDES THE HENNA FOR THE ‘MEHNDI’?
The bride’s family provides the henna. The ceremonial bringing of henna by the groom’s family is a custom borrowed from other religions and should not be done.
The Wedding (Shadi)
IS SINGING AND/OR DANCING ALLOWED AT A MEHNDI CEREMONY OR ANY OTHER WEDDING RELATED EVENT?
Absolutely no dancing is allowed in any function.
IS A RONAQ CELEBRATION ALLOWED?
“Ronaq” (celebration) from the groom’s side is very strongly discouraged.
WHAT ARE PREREQUISITES OF A WEDDING RECEPTION?
Purdah must be strictly observed with separate seating areas for men and women. Money should NOT be wasted on:
1. Expensive and fancy bridal dresses for the purpose of showing off or to impress others.
2. Expensive wedding invitations, excessive decoration of the house, stage, the bride’s seating.
3. A large variety of foods.
4. Money should not be wasted on the rental of expensive cars or limousines.
CAN SONGS OR MUSIC BE PLAYED AT A WEDDING CEREMONY?
Playing songs or music is not permitted.
CAN THE GROOM WEAR A GOLD WEDDING RING?
Any ring given to the groom, or worn by any Ahmadi Muslim man, should not be made of gold. (Sahih Muslim, Book of Clothes & Adornment)
WHAT ABOUT GIVING MILK OR HIDING THE GROOM’S SHOES DURING THE CEREMONY?
Giving the groom milk to drink and hiding his shoes to demand money from him should be avoided; this custom comes from other religions.
IS A MALE PHOTOGRAPHER ALLOWED ON THE FEMALE SIDE?
Only a female photographer/videographer is permitted on the women’s side when purdah-observing women are present. Men should not come to the women’s side for this purpose if non-family women are present.
Non-family men are not allowed to videotape at family events.
IS THE GROOM ALLOWED ON THE FEMALE SIDE?
▪ Yes, only after Purdah-observing non-relative women have been informed.
▪ The groom and his male friends/relatives should not be called to the women’s side when purdah-observing women are present.
▪ An announcement should be made so that they can put on their purdah, or leave the gathering.
CAN MALE SERVERS SERVE ON THE WOMEN’S SIDE?
Only women servers should be used on the women’s side. This arrangement can be made beforehand if /when a caterer is being selected.
WHAT ARE THE PURDAH INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BRIDE?
The bride should observe purdah when she arrives on the women’s side and when she leaves with her husband. A large chador (covering) can be used for purdah.
IS IT PERMISSIBLE TO HOLD THE HOLY QUR’AN OVER THE BRIDE’S OR GROOM’S HEAD?
The Holy Qur’an should never be held over the bride’s head to have her walk under it at the time of Rukhsati (formal giving away of the bride to the groom and the couple’s departure). This is a Bid’at (an undesirable innovation in religious belief or practice)
WHAT ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING ‘JAHAIZ’?
▪ Showing off the Jahaiz (clothes/jewelry/household items given to the bride by her parents) should not be practiced. Jahaiz is from the culture of the Indian subcontinent (not in Islam), given by the bride to the bridegroom.
▪ Gifts, money, or any form of Jahaiz from the bride’s family should not be expected or demanded by the groom’s family. Giving gifts to the groom’s family or relatives from the bride’s family is an acquired custom from other religions/cultures and should not be practiced.
The Walimah
WHAT ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING WALIMAH?
▪ The same principles apply as prescribed for the Wedding ceremony. ▪ Mixed gatherings are never allowed.
▪ It was a Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) to serve food at the Walimah, but it is not necessary that it should be a lavish feast or on a large scale. The scale of the Walimah should be according to one’s own means. (Sahih Muslim, Book of Marriage)
CAN THE BRIDE’S FAMILY BE ASKED TO HELP WITH EXPENSES RELATED TO THE WALIMAH?
The bride’s family should not be asked to contribute to the Walimah. It is the responsibility of the groom.
WHAT ARE SOME OTHER INNOVATIONS (BID’AT) TO AVOID?
Here are some innovations (bid’at) from non-Islamic cultures that should be avoided:
1. Gift Registry
2. Bridal Shower
3. Requesting “no box gifts” (i.e. requesting monetary gifts only)
4. Father walking bride into women’s side or bridegroom receiving bride on women’s side when non-family women are present.
5. Bride and groom cutting the cake together.
6. Mixed gatherings are never permitted in any function. Purdah should always be observed.
7. Dancing, at any event, is not allowed.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU SEE ANY FORBIDDEN OR INAPPROPRIATE CUSTOMS OR ACTIONS TAKING PLACE?
Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (May Allah be his Helper) has instructed all Ahmadis, and especially Jama’at office holders, to abstain from attending inappropriate functions or gatherings. If, while attending a function, any Ahmadi sees inappropriate action occurring, they should approach the relevant individuals in charge and attempt to put a stop to it. If such actions continue, then it is the duty of a sincere Ahmadi to immediately leave that function and report such inappropriate behavior to their relevant Jama’at office-holder.
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